I know i haven't written in a long time. So much crap has been happening to me that I can't even get my mind around it. My husband and I are no longer seperating. We are divorcing. What's more, is that I have not asked for divorce, HE wants to divorce me. It just hurts so much. Not only my ego and my pride, but my heart as well. I had some hope that we could work on things. Some small hope that he would realize how much he needs me and would try anything to make things between us better. But that is not the case. He wants to leave me and has wanted to leave me but has never had the courage. How my heart cries. I can't express the pain I feel.
When I first met my husband, I was really young. 13 years old and I was going through a very hellish perioud in my life. I cut myself and punched my fist into walls and hit my thighs. It was bad. He saw all this and taught me to love myself. When I tried to commit suicide, he was there to stop me and tell me how much he loved me and didn't want me to die. He made me cry when I had stopped crying. I got over this phase. I stopped cutting myself long long ago. But now my husband is saying that he never left me because of all this. He said that he always feared that if he left me that I would try to hurt myself. I can see the logic in this but it still hurts to hear him say that because it implies three things.
1.- That he has wanted to leave me many times. 2.-That he doesn't know me because if he did, he would know that I would never kill myself and leave my children motherless. 3.-It means that maybe he doesn't really love me at all.
We have had so many conversations; about how much he will give me to take care of my kids, where he will live, transportation, the bills, the mortgage, and I thought we had come to some agreement

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Blogs, musicians, every public service organization you can shake a stick at (beating them with that ugly stick wouldn't be a bad idea), and the like are demanding, cajoling, begging, encouraging, and advertising for everyone to go vote. P. Diddy is doing the stupid 'vote or die' campaign. Supposedly, it doesn't matter who you vote for, who Osama endorsed, what issues are important, as long as you vote. I've said and repeat, don't vote, it only encourages them.

Well, I've had it. According to most of the polling data, the country Naughty Office is split, almost right down the middle. Throw in a couple of percent for Nader and Badnarik, and no matter how you look at it, no matter which side of the political spectrum you fall, no matter if you're socialist or capitalist, you can pretty much be assured that at least half of your countrymen are idiots.

So I'm saying, don't vote. Because the odds are at least 50% that you're in the idiotic half (you can decide which half that is) and I don't want your stupid opinion deciding which way our country is governed for the next four years. And given that you've possibly been stupid enough to vote in previous elections, it's a better than 50% chance you're the reason that this country is spiraling deeper and deeper into socialism.

Forgive the anger and frustration. I'm really really tired of stupid blind people right now. But don't vote; because for all I know you may be one of them. My apologies if you're not. Just for the record, I am going to vote tomorrow. I have my voter registration card and Mensa membership (proving that I am smart enough). And besides, I have to cancel out Osama bin Laden's absentee ballot(s).